in out, in and out
I can feel this thick
yet thin liquid
seep into my lungs

like a raptor in a cage
my heart claws
at my chest
struggling to prove its usefulness

waking up
like a child from a nightmare
I could almost swear
that it’s the shock that’s forcing me to hold my breath

at this moment
I realize I’m made of air
my light disposition
and letting everything fly

I’m am an element
and I sigh with relief
at my realization
just to realize I’m of out it

for a moment
I am calm
soon I’ll be free
wait why aren’t I free

I’m confused
isn’t air supposed to float
to the top
when underwater?

ahh,
I understand
I’m broken
but I already knew that…

I’m coming home
On my way
To the place
That makes me happy

the place where I can be myself
the place that doesn’t belong
to anybody but me
and mine

In some ways I wish
Everyone could have a bad tour
I feel like it teaches you
Just how amazing your own life can be

How amazing it can be
To come home
Hug your family
And kiss your better half

Your house is yours
made to your liking
Organized like your head
you finally feel harmony

You are a slight annoyance on my sleeve
The bug switch bites and breeds
The memory I can’t forget
And the child which it leaves

So don’t tell me I’m crazy
Because I’ll never be as dumb as you
At least in my perspective
You might as well be preaching to a wall

I’m not a victor
So does that mean I don’t have a story?
Does it mean I am a flaw?
Or that I’m just boring?

To conclude please don’t listen
I’m just a “Pretender”
After all who would want to listen to a loser anyways?
I’m sure he hopes you wont

wake up
take up
shake up
break up

Face down
take down
upside down
fall down

I feel like i’m spinning
and like this world is standing still
like fulling living
but barely being real

I want an explanition of hunger
I want to see time
if only to make sense of meaning
I feel like life would be on a reel

things would be my terms
my choice
my reactions
and all my gain

I only reality was fiction
then I would be the king of this game.

So don’t you dare tell me
to stop
be cause
well I am crazy

and don’t you dare forget
that I
am the one
who will stop me

and if you sleep alone
I do feel bad
and yes it is
for you

because
I am
not alone
I have now for my someone

My sanity may be gone
but it is now that someone’s

The great thing about being used
is you know your not useless
you should know I over-think things
and so assume that I’ve just gotten blown off

which may
or may not be true
but that doesn’t necessarily
mean anything

for my plans were just ruined
and a hope that I had
for a feat yet to be experienced
has diminished

to say it plain and simple
I’m annoyed
and have possibly
had a small shot to my ego

and just when I was starting to feel good again
hmm… I don’t know else to say but this
I hope this isn’t what I think
becuase I could really use some confidence at this point in my life.

I’m glad I don’t think that way I used to
once upon a time I thought
that I would be the guy
that girls always dream about

it was foolish to think I was that
because in reality
I hate too much
to be with someone that long

yea, sure, if I was with someone
I’d hold her hand
as long as she could
stand the sweat

and kiss her on her forehead
and cudle more then we fuck
and tell her she’s beautiful
more then I say she’s hot

I’d write poetry
about the breaths we share
and how it mean more to me then
anything that ever was

I’d be that guy
but that’s the problem
because, that’s what I’d want to be
not what I am

no, I’m not a jerk
though i pretend to be at times
if it will help someone
from thinking I’m too much

no
in reality
I’m too little in my own head
to be able to stand on two feet

my real problem
is with |xxxx|
I have no idea
and I guess that’s the problem

wow, that’s really fucked up

The sense of touch:
an ability
known only to
the extremities

an under appreciated
and under developed reincarnation
of what it feels like
to know someone

to know touch
and grasp the sensation
is to know
the deepest feeling a body can feel

not superficial
but real
and in reality
with certainty

I’d take this feeling over any other
because of it’s solidity
for you can’t trust
any other sense

they will deceive you
manipulate you
and mock up
a world made by falsehoods

and in that world
we are are not real
we are a composite
reality

No, the only sense you can trust
is touch
for only touch
show’s true decay

I have a problem with confront
I can’t confess my feelings
especially one of distaste
and especially to people i care about

I wish I did
quite honestly
but therein lies a problem
that I’m sure some people share

for some reason
it’s terrifying
frankly
it’s scary as shit

to man up
speak from your heart, not lie
which is essentially a way of
protecting yourself

if you dismiss words
that are not my own
then it’s no big deal
they we’re never a part of me

but to share my own
is to let you into my heart
in a way which would make you want to hurt it
and that’s just too big a risk to take

so tell me what to do
though I have secrets
they are hidden
from my eyes too

I sometimes wonder
if i even understand a word I say
probably not
and why would I

give me a reason
a meaning for the seasons
an apologetic systematic
escape from my own self

I feel like my skin
is morphing
like my life
is evolving

unraveling right in front of me
creating what it thinks
forming it’s own ideas
and making life up on the spot

It’s a good thing
I’m 90 percent sure
and the other ten
can fuck it’s self

I must ask
what do you do
when you see
yourself growing in the mirror

do you assume the fetal position?
after all
growing up
can be a scary thing

do u embrase
and fight
take on the masses
and make a name for yourself

I think I chose right
i hope i did
i know i did
and I’ll see you on the other side